Humans crave intimacy. Most of us have tasted the sublimity of at least one very close, mutually satisfying relationship, such as in the early stages of romance. But most will also concur that it is dismally difficult to find deeply intimate relationships which are robust, stable, and secure enough to thrive long-term.

In the Platonic realm, zealous interests which form the common bond that knits two friends together can later find innumerable ways to twist and drive a wedge. Paul and Baranabas planted churches, performed miracles, and endured near-death persecution experiences together! What a sinking feeling whenever we read Acts 15 and find such effective ministry partners in “sharp disagreement” over whether to take John Mark on their next trip. It doesn’t require too much speculation to imagine that differing ideas regarding their outworking of their shared commitment to do the Lord’s work in the Lord’s way was the very same reason they couldn’t get along. The word describing their “separation” in verse 39 is the same NT word used for “divorce” plus a prefix meaning “away from” (“apo” as in “apostasy”). This sounds less like a congenial “let’s agree to disagree” and more like a painful division resulting in “seriously getting away” from each other.

If heated controversy doesn’t part dear friends, banal life circumstances often do. Non-familial relationships don’t come with a covenant of living under a shared roof or any other measure of geographic proximity. How many children have lost their “best friend forever” simply because one family had to move for work? How many lively get-togethers of bosom companions have eventually fizzled out “just cuz”?

But intimacy within the covenant of marriage unfortunately doesn’t fare much better in this broken world. Among those that continue to enjoy some measure of intimacy and mutual pleasure in each other beyond the honeymoon, how many maintain it into old age? While some cultures are much better than the modern West at keeping couples together for life, “co-existing” is a more apt descriptor than “intimate” for many marriages and families as the decades wear on. Granted, beautiful exceptions do exist, but even in that coveted absolute best case (rare) scenario, death ultimately does them part. “Happily ever after” does not exist in this world.

The elusiveness of intimacy can be considered as a subcategory of the problem of theodicy, namely: “If God knows we passionately desire close human bonds, especially if even He Himself made us to be that way(!), then why doesn’t He make it easier to form richly resilient relationships?” Ironically, the good news (“gospel”) answer, I believe, is that lasting intimacy is elusive in this world precisely because God wants to give us lasting intimacy.

Here’s the deal. Where does intimacy come from, and what is its source? Like every good thing, intimacy comes from God. But that actually doesn’t state the matter strongly enough, because indeed the Triune God IS intimacy. Or, as John puts it, “God is love” (predicated, of course, on the fact that He is talking about the God of the Bible revealed in and through Jesus Christ). Christians may indeed struggle to articulate what “One God in Three Persons” actually means, but what is even harder is to explain the universe as we know it without reference to a foundational divine being who typifies in Himself the mystery of “the one and the many.” The most sensible explanation for a world in which loving relational unions are the greatest thing is that a loving relational union created that world!

So then, the Trinity is the very definition of deep, profound, permanent intimacy. The glorious news is that God has made a way for us men, finite humans, even as fallen humans, to participate in His perfectly intimate eternal society. Intimacy in this world is elusive because humankind corporately decided to send the Intimate One away from us in exile, so to speak. Intimacy in this world is elusive because what is left are the drippings and crumbs leftover from the original source, but not the spring and fountain itself. Intimacy in this world is elusive so that we might look to the One who IS the very substance of Intimacy in His very being, and securely and permanently attach ourselves to Him.

In short, intimacy in this world is elusive in order that we might find that intimacy which is indestructible and everlasting. Yes, God did create us to experience intimacy. Yes, He wants it for us. Indeed, He wants us to experience the fullest measure of it forever. But that won’t happen if we “worship and serve the creature rather than the Creator.” Our experience with elusivity of intimacy in fallen human relationships reflects an underlying ontological reality: fallen human relationships are incapable of scratching the itch for the unlimited eternal intimacy which our souls crave. But we continue to crave it because, as C.S. Lewis would say, the real thing actually exists. Intimacy’s elusivity thereby turns out to be good news: God lets us taste the samples but does not let us get filled up on them because He seeks to lure us to the buffet that never ends.