In sixish days I return to Asia, with high chances that it is a permanent move this time.

Well-meaning family and friends, who are all very kind and supportive folks that I love(!), may be inclined to say, “I’m excited for this next stage of your journey.” Well, thank you! And certainly you are free to feel what you feel to be appropriate. But speaking for myself, “excitement” is not the operational vibe for the present season.

Now don’t get me wrong. There’s no trepidation in the sense of fear or regret. I’m confident in what I’m doing and “feel good” about it as far as decisions go. And I do indeed have a measure of excitement through the eyes of faith regarding all the goodness I know God has planned for His people, including myself.

But at present there is — no surprise to anyone who has read a post or two from this blog(!) — also a heaviness, a burden, a sorrow. Because, my dear friend, we’ve got problems. Big problems. By “we” I don’t mean “them,” I mean we the professing Christians. Christendom has problems. Nicaean Christianity has problems. Underground Christianity has problems. The Evangelical, Charismatic, and missions movements have problems. In brief, the churches are in Babylonian exile and I find that sad.

What are God’s people to do when they find themselves in exile? Boy, that’s a topic I could talk for hours about. I would highlight sections of Lev 26, Deut 30, and Ezek 36, each of which address God’s people in exile, either through a prophetic or contemporaneous lens, respectively. In short, their common message is this: take the guilt, shame, and trauma of exile to heart. Take it to heart! A parent who sends their child to his room often says, “You need to think about what you’ve done.” The child is not to go to their room and play with trains. He is to go and awaken an awareness of what got him in trouble, to shift from feeling agitated for receiving punishment to sorrow for deserving punishment.

We might call it “chapter nine repentance” because Daniel 9, Ezra 9, and Nehemiah 9 all model the proper disposition of God’s people in process of “coming out” from Babylonian captivity. Nehemiah’s vibe on the grave curses God had brought upon Israel is encapsulated in verse 33 of his covenant renewal prayer:

Yet you have been righteous in all that has come upon us, for you have dealt faithfully and we have acted wickedly.

Is there joy also when Cyrus grants a decree that Jews can make aliyah and begin to rebuild the fallen house of God? Of course! Joy mixed with sorrow though:

And when the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the LORD, the priests in their vestments came forward with trumpets, and the Levites, the sons of Asaph, with cymbals, to praise the LORD, according to the directions of David king of Israel.

And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks to the LORD,

  “For he is good, 
     for his steadfast love endures forever toward Israel.” 

And all the people shouted with a great shout when they praised the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. But many of the priests and Levites and heads of fathers’ houses, old men who had seen the first house, wept with a loud voice when they saw the foundation of this house being laid, though many shouted aloud for joy, so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the joyful shout from the sound of the people’s weeping, for the people shouted with a great shout, and the sound was heard far away (Ezra 3:10–13).

So yes, I do intend to reap in shouts of joy; … but such a harvest comes from first sowing in tears. On multiple levels, things are not what they are supposed to be. Very much not what they are supposed to be. So for now I am sad. Not forever sad. But temporarily sad.